The necessity to be beautiful has led to the invention of different ways to access it. Some ways are okay to try while others are just downright crazy and daring. So what is the crazy thing that some people are doing to maintain beauty? Well leeches and bird poop are just a tip of the iceberg.
Leeches are steeped in folklore. Back in medieval times, doctors everywhere used them to treat their patients. They were kind of like the first alternative form of medicine, although back in those days they were often thought of as a “proper” form of medicine.
But times have changed, and we have now swapped leeches for actual medicines and pills. But people do still use leeches as a beauty treatment, including celebrities such as Demi Moore. This is because of their ability to remove toxins form our blood, giving us a nice healthy glow.
The good news is that the bird poop used by celebrities such as Victoria Beckham as part of their beauty regiment is classy bird poop: it comes from the nightingale, which is the embodiment of upper-class birds. Victoria Beckham wasn’t the first to try it, though; Japanese Geishas have been using it for years.
Women are the main culprits when it comes to pursuing beauty. They have done it all yet they are not done. People eat human poop and even clay as a required beauty regiment.
A fitness club popular with the Los Angeles elite initiates clients with genetic testing and blood analysis to determine if they have the necessary “sprinter gene” for their more rigorous workouts. There are diets that require staring into the sun for an hour, eating clay (as Shailene Woodley does), and ingesting pills of (odorless, freeze-dried) human fecal matter. (Which is, I suppose, an improvement on the Romans, who bathed in crocodile dung and imported the urine of Portuguese people to whiten their teeth.) Mariel Hemingway loves the hyperbaric chamber, a coffinesque machine used by Tim Tebow, among others, that forces extra oxygen into the body. “It changes the configuration of your brain,” she told me last spring. “I didn’t know I was depressed until I tried it.”
Just when you think the weird beauty list is over, another entry comes through. Would you inject blood into your face so as to look beautiful? Well there is someone who does.
Oh you know, just casually injecting blood into your face. Kim Kardashian does it because of course. I can’t even.
This literally is the stuff of nightmares. FISH PEDICURES. Fish nibbling the dead skin off of your feet. Why is this necessary?
Yeah…people do this. People like Victoria Beckham and Simon Cowell. I can’t. I saw a face mask at the drugstore the other day that listed placenta as an ingredient. I think I’d rather have the bird poop.